Tuesday, October 13, 2009

10.13 daily totals & more.

mocha frappuccino : 256 calories
kashi bar : 140 calories
kashi bar : 140 calories
low-fat yogurt : 160 calories
t o t a l : 696 calories

Ugh, doesn't feel like I'm eating a lot, but I'm disappointed in my numbers. Oh wait, DUHHH it's those dreadful frappuccino things. NO MORE! I'm off to the land of dreams, my favorite place in the world, Whole Foods tomorrow to stock up on some ana-food beauties. Wow. Is it sick that it feels good to call myself ana? So no more frappuccino crappers, I can get back to drinking my one true love: a pretty lady named Kombucha.

My love for Kombucha runs deep. I discovered her tall, glassy frame in May, and have virtually enjoyed one and sometimes two a day ever since. But I will save a Kombucha post for another time.

I'll also be picking up some:
  • brown rice cakes
  • low-fat yogurt
  • more kashi bars
  • fruit!
  • vegetables
  • oats
  • nuts / seeds
  • maybe try some healthy choice & lean cuisine meals? have you all tried these? i've never had the instant microwave meals before, but they seem like a possible option... let me know if you've tried them and what you think
  • orange juice (it is my one guilty pleasure during restrictions - i'm addicted to the oj)
Looking forward to posting some of my coveted thinspirations soon. I'm a little embarrassed that I keep posting so much (it is, after all, only my 2nd day here!), but I hope you don't mind. Furthermore, I hope the few followers I have enjoy what I'm writing! I have tons more posts I am dying to do, but I figure I should pace myself and keep a little mystery... :) Perhaps I have transferred my bingeing habits over to the blogs! I just can't get enough, never satisfied, more, more, more! Thank god you all are zippo calories and I don't have to shove my fingers down my throat afterwards!

You'll be hearing from me (probably too) soon,

relationships with food.

I have a question for all of you lovelies.

There are some diets and eating plans that allow the dieter to eat whatever she chooses for 1 day per week. I've always thought that sounded nice (and definitely appealing), but I feel like if I let myself go for one day, I would have a hard time getting back on schedule. And there is a risk of bingeing on this coveted reward day. Plus, as we all know, ladies, rewards in calories are punishments in thighs! So is that really a "reward" at all? How can I consider calories rewards?! That is one thing I have come to discover about myself; I always work well with rewards for my behavior, and I believe I began to associate food as a type of reward. Oh boy. Deadly. Lots of times I wish I could try some kind of hypnosis therapy or something because it feels like I have this deep, psychological obsession with eating and with food. When I'm not restricting, most of the time I feel powerless to food, and wish so badly I could break my deep connection and reliance on eating. Perhaps if I didn't have such a complicated and dangerous relationship with food, I wouldn't struggle with eating, restricting, etc. If I could just turn off my emotional/behavioral/psychological reliance on eating, I could lose weight much easier without having to fight my body. I could be in a healthy control in life instead of an extreme kind of control. Do any of you also feel your relationship with food is fucked? I envy those who don't obsess about eating, whether it be too much or too little.

Wow, what a tangent from my original question. Okay, back to that. Regardless of the lack of control one might face with a day off from the diet, the other problem is that the precious day-off will not help the sacred weight loss. But I don't know, do you think one day of calories vs. restricted calories really would affect our journey to thin? Might it be good to eat a little more than normal one day a week to up the metabolism and keep it burning at a strong pace?



If you are looking for a little more structure while you restrict your calories, here's a website you might find helpful.

They have more than 250 different diets listed, all of which list pros, cons, and the details of what is required and involved. If some of you are striving to watch your calories but facing difficulty overcoming temptation, you might try looking into an eating plan. This may help relieve any anxiety you are feeling when you are hungry and help you control your eating decisions. Whether you want to start adhering to a set diet, or just want to browse through a few to inspire some new eating ideas and gage your food intake, this website is quite informative.

Please let me know if you found this post helpful! If you take a look at the website, I'd love to hear your impressions on what you found. I thought someone might find it useful, whether she is struggling or not. Please let me know what you think, good or bad!

Love as always,

small triumphs.

Good god, I just can't get enough of this new blogging. Or of you girls.

I have fantastic news amidst several days that have been quite dumpy.

I bought a scale today, and weighed myself.

I had estimated that I was around 190, which was absolutely mortifying, especially since I was heavier this past year, leading me to conclude that at some point I had probably said hello to 200 and some of her friends.

But I weighed myself.

182.7 pounds.

I'm thrilled. Well, thrilled is a bit strong. But I'm pleased. I guess I had really just overestimated, and so now it feels like I've lost more than 7 pounds in 24 hours. Yeah, wouldn't that be nice...ha.

Well anyway, I am excited to be able to make my first change to my stats, even if it is merely due to a numerical error on my part. And although I am in the 180s (barf), I'm in the low 180s, and I'm sure as hell not in the 190s (double barf).

Again, I am just mesmerized by all of your words, darlings. Your posts really have inspired me so much. I feel like this time really will be it. Thank god. And a million thanks for the followers and comments I've been starting to receive - they are so deeply appreciated (and exciting to get!).

I have a feeling this won't be my last post of the day - Blogger and I have begun a romantic affair and you know how those first few days of puppy-love are...

So much love to you all,


I am really enjoying discovering like-minded blogs and reading all about your lives. It really does help knowing we are not alone dealing with this obsession. The thing is, I'm noticing everyone's highest weights, and their current weights, and I'm nervous! Nervous because it makes me think that mostly everyone else is already thin, and is documenting their journey to ultra-thin. I am not thin. I will be thin, but I am not currently thin. I am by no means a whale (although sometimes being tall translates into being big), but I do have a ways to go. My numbers are shocking to some people. My current weight may seem like an enormous number, but on my 5'11" frame, it seems to even out. I don't know. I guess I'm just wishing I were already thinner, as it seems the rest of you are, but I suppose I shouldn't freak the geek out. I have to remember that I am new to this whole blogging thing (this is literally my SECOND day). I have been at lower weights before and struggled with this for a long time, but this is the first time I am reaching out, exposing myself, and connecting with a community of girls with similar stories. I have restricted, obsessed, counted, and controlled in the past, but my current weight has resulted in a self-hatred far too overwhelming. This blog marks my decision to get thin once and for all. I just cannot keep being fat. It restricts my entire life. This time, I will win. This time, I will be thin.

Please help me stay strong, pretties.
xoxoxoxox kk